Chevrolet Knights v Cape Cobras, Saturday 11th October 2014, 3pm

October 30, 2014

1 - opening shot

The cricket season is in full swing over here now and I noticed that the Cape Cobras, who normally play in Bloemfontein, had a home game scheduled for a Saturday in Kimberley.

Kinberley is a bit of a one-horse town that is well-known for an Anglo-Boer War siege where food restrictions meant that the British actually ate that one horse for Christmas lunch. Better than sprouts, I suppose. Unless you got a hoof that is.

I had a camel for my tea in Oman a few years ago. It was ok, as long as you got some of the meatier parts and didn’t get stuck with just the head.

Someone must have eaten it.

Someone must have eaten it.

Kimberley‘s main claim to fame though is The Big Hole, which is exactly as its name would suggest and came about through nineteen century diamond mining. It’s something that all the guidebooks suggest visiting and so Jen and I used a trip to watch the cricket to see what all the fuss was about.

It seemed like we weren’t the only ones on our Saturday morning flight from Johannesburg who were heading for the Knights v Cobras game, although I suspect that we were the only ones that had bought tickets. We had players, coaches, umpires and tv folk sharing our flight, then clogging up the queues at the car hire desk and the hotel reception. If the plane hadn’t taken off then it’s likely that the game would have had to have been called off due to nobody being there.

The Big Hole was right next to our hotel and as we were the only people who didn’t have to be at the ground early we went for a wander around before the game. It’s surrounded by olden-days buildings, a bit like Beamish in a way, with some of them having been relocated from nearby.

It was probably busier a hundred years ago.

It was probably busier a hundred years ago.

It cost forty rand to go and peer over the edge of the Big Hole. Cheap enough, but not really an activity that will keep you occupied for more than a minute or two, particularly as it was too far away to spit into the water below and see how long it took to make a splash. Plus,when something deep is filled with water, it doesn’t really matter how deep it is below the surface. Although I doubt a Wide Hole would have been any more impressive.

Kimberley Big Hole

Kimberley Big Hole

Big Hole done, we took a taxi to the Diamond Oval for the fifty over game. I’ve a feeling that the Chevrolet Knights don’t play in Kimberley very often as our taxi driver, perhaps the only taxi driver in town, had no idea that there even was a cricket ground, never mind where it was.

It took him that long to sort himself out that we missed the first four balls. Not such a big deal really, but by the time we had settled into our seats the home side had already lost their first wicket. The second wicket went down with the final ball of the first over and the third shortly after.

The view from the grandstand.

The view from the grandstand.

We’d paid fifty rand for our grandstand seats, less than three quid, and certainly better value than a large hole in the ground that you couldn’t spit into. There were a few people in with us and some more in the cheaper forty rand grass section.

To our left.

To our left.

Chevrolet Knights managed to consolidate their position with a decent third wicket stand before progress was disrupted by a thunderstorm. It was so wild that it blew the head clean off my beer. We managed to shelter from the rain by moving to the back of the stand, but there was no respite for the blokes trying to get the covers on.

Entertaining as the cricket had been, it wasn’t as good as seeing groundstaff lifted off their feet by a sheet behaving as a giant kite.

They made a decent effort in the circumstances.

They made a decent effort in the circumstances.

Play resumed after around twenty minutes, with each side losing a couple of overs. Progress got a bit bogged down at that point with the announcer trying to gee matters up by prompting the hired band to strike up a tune every over or two. If I was them I’d have cleared off and left us to it.

The boys in the band.

The boys in the band.

The Knights failed to bat out their allocation and with the evening drawing in we headed off for some eating and drinking. A quick check on the telly later on confirmed that Cape Cobras had knocked off the runs with plenty of time to spare.

 

Bidvest Wits v Orlando Pirates, Sunday 5th October 2014, Noon.

October 19, 2014

1 - opening shot

I’m sure I’ve read somewhere that nobody is ever more than ten feet away from a rat, although I’ve no idea where the theory comes from. Rentokill probably. Still, it’s likely to be true in some places I suppose and I’d hazard a guess that Johannesburg is one of them.

On the drive to this game we went through a few parts of the city that looked as if they get their rubbish collected annually and in an indication of what was to come I noticed a squashed rat at the roadside.

The match was at the Bidvest Wits stadium inside the University of Johannesburg and it’s not the easiest of places to find or get into. After picking up a visitors pass we made our way through most of the campus before ditching the car in a car park designated for post-graduate students. I reckoned there would be more chance that one of them might drive a year-old Corolla and perhaps it wouldn’t look as much out of place as elsewhere.

I was surprised to see security on the gate to the ground as this was a reserve team game, or more accurately, a Multichoice Diski Challenge fixture. It’s a new competition intended to give younger players on the fringes of the PSL squads an alternative to being loaned out to first division sides. I was even more surprised when the security fella told us we couldn’t take a couple of cans of coke in with us. Whatever. I’m beyond kicking up a fuss.

The Main Stand

The Main Stand

Bidvest Wits were taking on Orlando Pirates and whilst the home side had the best of the early possession, the visitors had a couple of decent chances of their own. They stopped for a water break on twenty-five minutes and at the restart one of the Wits player got to the byeline and crossed for a team-mate to score with a Trevor Brooking header.

I’m confident that Brooking must have scored more than one header in his playing career before moving on to protecting West Ham’s interests from within the FA, but I’m equally confident that if you are of a certain age then you’ll be able to picture just exactly how that Wits goal looked.

I’d assumed that most of the hundred and forty fans in attendance were supporting the Pirates, but that opening goal got a decent cheer.

View from the Main Stand.

View from the Main Stand.

At half time Jen and I nipped back to the car park to drink the cans that had been too dangerous to bring in. For the second half we decided to sit near the corner flag on the opposite side of the pitch.

Rat corner.

Rat corner.

Moving over to the far corner turned out to be the best decision of the day as meant that we were in Rat City.

Quite cute in a way.

Quite cute in a way.

There was a wall to our right that consisted of as much hole as brick. It was perfect for rat housing and we spent most of the second half watching rats collecting food, building nests and even sunbathing.

Yes, sunbathing. Really.

Yes, sunbathing. Really.

The highlight though was seeing one rat moving pink baby rats from one hole to another in its mouth and then what appeared to be a different rat moving them back again. I’m not sure if one rat was stealing them and the other recovering them or whether we were witnessing a house swap.

Whatever was going on, it was compelling viewing.

Doing rat stuff.

Doing rat stuff.

Back on the pitch, a late goal from the Pirates after a scramble inside the six yard box looked to have earned the visitors a point until Wits nipped straight up the other end to score a last minute winner. I missed that one as I was waiting to see what one of the rats would have in its mouth when reappearing from the rat baby hole.

Meanwhile, there was a match going on.

Meanwhile, there was a match going on.

So, there we are. A Sunday lunchtime game and a wildlife class all at the same time. It doesn’t get much better than that.

 

South Africa v New Zealand, Saturday 4th October 2014, 5pm

October 19, 2014

1 - opening shot

The Southern Hemisphere rugby championship had been decided in New Zealand’s favour the previous weekend and so there was nothing official at stake in South Africa’s game against the All Blacks. It was still a clash between the top two teams in the world though and with less than a year to go to the World Cup it was bound to be competitive.

I’d watched last year’s game on the telly not long after arriving in the country and was determined that this time I’d see it live. So determined, in fact, that I’d booked our hotel near the Ellis Park stadium ten months in advance and then carefully checked the ticket selling site for weeks until they went on sale.

Our hotel in Johannesburg was one of those trendy ones, situated in what looked like a former factory and with bits of art everywhere. It was in the Maboneng Precinct which is a small area full of hipsters and the sort of cafes where they like to spend their time. Mind you, once you went beyond the area defined by beards, outsize spectacles and crap hair hidden by crapper hats it was an altogether different story.

Urban renewal stretched for no more than a block or two and it was only a short distance to the sort of streets where you could imagine Starsky and Hutch ploughing through cardboard boxes in their cars.

With the game not kicking off until five we had time for lunch at an Ethiopian restaurant. The food was pretty good although we had to wait ages for it to arrive. No wonder they are so skinny.

Outside our hotel.

Outside our hotel.

At four o’clock we set off for the match. It was only a twenty minute walk to the stadium as we were able to use the railway underpass to come out close to our gate.

Jen had her bag searched by a security fella, who on discovering my camera told her that she wasn’t allowed to take it into the stadium. I think he may have been looking for an easy life as when I raised an eyebrow he suggested a compromise whereby we took it in to the stadium but didn’t use it. Fair enough.

Ellis Park.

Ellis Park.

We were inside the ground forty minutes ahead of kick-off, which you would think would be sufficient for two or three leisurely pints. Not so. The fifty odd thousand capacity crowd all seemed to be queued up at the bar and we just had time to grab a couple of beers and take them straight to our seats.

Pre-match pints.

Pre-match pints.

I’d deliberately bought tickets in Row A of the upper tier, thinking that the seats would be high enough up to see the play unfold, whilst being at the front of the tier would mean that nobody would be sat in front of us. If only it were that straightforward.

We shuffled our way around the stand before realising that the rows werent the way I’d expected and Row A was actually the very back row, as far from the pitch as it were possible to be without being sat on the roof.

It was like being in the away end at Newcastle.

It was like being in the away end at Newcastle.

The crowd was a little more partisan than you’d usually see at the rugby to the extent that the haka was booed. A bit disappointing really. I’m used to South African rugby fans booing and whistling when the opposing team takes a penalty, but booing the haka escalated it to another level. Show some manners!

South Africa on the attack.

South Africa on the attack.

And the game? Well, South Africa built up a decent lead and then as they inevitably do the All Blacks pulled it back. It was looking like a respectably narrow defeat for the hosts until replacement fly half Pat Lambie kicked the winning penalty from inside his own half with a minute to go. I wonder what his nickname is? I hope it’s Lambieie.

The last minute kick from South Africa's own half drops over the bar.

The last minute kick from beyond half-way drops over the bar.

With the South African fans staying behind to celebrate we escaped the crowd and headed back to the Maboneng Precinct for more of the beardy people and an evening in a Senegalese restaurant.

 

FC Likhopo v Mphatlalatsane, Saturday 27th September 2014, 3pm

October 14, 2014

1-P1180330

We’ve lived in South Africa for a year now, but some of the people who I work with have been here for a lot longer. One of the things that I’ll occasionally ask them is “What’s the best place that you’ve been to whilst you’ve been in Africa?”

As you might expect, there’s a variety of answers, with some of the more miserable gits amongst them mentioning Johannesburg Airport for their flights home. For those that get about a bit, Victoria Falls is a popular choice. That’s not surprising I suppose. Jen and I visited the Zambian side of it at New Year and it was pretty good. Better than High Force, but not as spectacular as I remembered Niagara to be. We’ll take a look from the Zimbabwean side next time and see if the view from that angle earns it extra points.

It was quite wet close up.

It was quite wet close up.

Another fella reckoned Hermanus in the Western Cape was the place to go. Its big selling point is whale watching. They even have festivals for it, although to the likely disappointment of any Japanese or Korean visitors you aren’t allowed to eat the whales.

Hermanus was an enjoyable visit too, although I don’t really think that spotting a whale’s arse a couple of hundred yards out to sea necessarily added much to a spectacular cliff top walk.

Whale arse.

Whale arse.

Mind you, I did get to drive a 1967 MG on the Hermanus trip and that made it a pretty good weekend regardless of what the whales got up to or whether you could have them for your tea.

That took me back a few years.

That took me back a few years.

One place that often gets a mention in people’s favourites is Sani Pass. It’s a steep and exposed winding track that takes you from the Drakensberg mountains into the landlocked country of Lesotho. From the way people go on about it, you’d think that it was virtually impossible to drive the route without either falling off the edge or wrecking your car engine.

In fact, driving up Sani Pass turned out to be a doddle, to the extent that I didn’t even have to shift from automatic to manual. I’ve had more trouble being stuck behind a caravan on Sutton Bank.

Looking back down Sani Pass

Looking back down Sani Pass

We stopped at the top for breakfast in a place that describes itself as ‘Africa’s Highest Pub’. I’ve no idea as to whether they are telling the truth or not, but all it would take for some place else to snatch the title would be for someone to build a new bar twenty yards away on the higher ground all around it.

Pint of Magnet please.

Pint of Magnet please.

We had three days spare and so didn’t have to turn around and go back down Sani Pass. Instead we drove through northern Lesotho, mainly on roads that looked to have been maintained by someone who did nothing more than scatter rocks on them.

The scenery was fantastic. I don’t think any part of Lesotho is below two thousand metres and it was just mountain after mountain. We were headed for a lodge near Butha Buthe and spent five hours driving through a part of the country that must have barely changed in fifty years.

I could live there.

I could live there.

The houses were mainly small and circular with thatched roofs, whilst the people tended to wear blankets rather than coats. The few people that we did see with a coat on looked as if they were struggling with the idea of wearing it properly, preferring instead to wrap it around themselves as if they wished that they still had a blanket.

Herding livestock seemed a popular activity for all ages. Old blokes sat and watched flocks of sheep whilst some kids as young as four or five had sole responsibility for a cow.

Donkeys and bushes.

Donkeys and bushes.

As we approached Butha Buthe, some of the houses were of the more modern design of a square shape and a tin roof. There were fewer blankets too. The people were just as friendly though, waving at us as if a passing car was a novelty, similar I suppose to how it must have been in Loftus in the nineteen eighties.

A couple of nights at a lodge gave us the opportunity to see some of the mountains close up on foot and we spent a few hours on the day before the game hiking a circular route that took us from 2000m to 2600m before dropping sharply down again.

Halfway up.

Halfway up.

Whilst the views were stunning, it would have been even better if we could have walked  when the rivers were in full flow to get maximum benefit from the waterfalls. The highlight of the day came on the way down as we passed a couple of donkeys and their owners making their way up.

On the way down.

On the way down.

On Saturday morning we drove the couple of hours into capital city Maseru. I’d been a little wary about this part of the trip as there had been an attempted military coup just three weeks before that had seen the army using their bigger guns to confiscate the smaller ones of the police. The Prime Minister legged it over the border to South Africa until things quietened down a bit. It all seemed calm enough when we got there though.

There were three matches listed as taking place that day and as luck would have it our hotel was only a mile or so from the Lesotho Correctional Service Stadium that was hosting the Premier League tie between FC Likhopo and Mphatlalatsane.

Maybe it's prisoners v warders next week.

Maybe it’s prisoners v warders next week.

We had a chat on the way in with a fella who told us that he was Likhopo’s manager. That might very well have been true, but as he spent the entire game greeting arrivals at the gate his role was somewhat different to most football managers.

He told us that despite three defeats out of four and being second bottom he fancied his team for the win. I suppose he had to say that. He also mentioned that fourteen of the sixteen teams in the Lesotho Premier League were based in Maseru. Ideal for derbies.

The view from behind the goal.

The view from behind the goal.

It was free to get in, although with no seats or terracing it wasn’t quite the bargain that you might think. The pitch was bordered on three sides by a grassy bank and so Jen and I sat ourselves down behind the goal.

For the second game running we had the benefits of a FIFA official, two in fact, with the ref and one of the linos sporting the 2014 FIFA badge. I wonder if each country has a quota as the ref didn’t look to be of the standard that you’d want at international level. I can’t imagine Howard Webb turning a blind eye to players having a pre-match piss next to one of the corner flags.

More view from behind the goal.

More view from behind the goal.

Likhopo were in red, with Mphatlalatsane wearing green shirts and yellow shorts. Both sides adapted pretty well to the uneven pitch, although if they had grown up playing on the roads that we’d driven on from Sani Pass, it must have seemed like Wembley to them.

Free kick to

Free kick to Mphatlalatsane

Dust flew up with every kick and with a fire burning away in the fields to our right I wondered how often the pitch failed to survive the dry season. Mind you, with all the mountains in Lesotho, once the rain starts I’d imagine the pitches very quickly change from dustbowls to quagmires.

Jen and I had the area between the goal and the corner flag to ourselves, with the rest of the eighty or so crowd dotted around the pitch in small groups. A few had brought plastic chairs but most just stood or sat on the grass. I’d have thought that with free admission there might have been more people there but I suspect most football fans in Maseru would rather watch the English Premier League on the telly than their own Premier League live.

Fans in the corner

Fans in the corner

Half-time came without any goals. There wasn’t a dressing room so the teams loitered by their benches whilst the officials stood around one of their cars. After another dash by some of the players to the corner flag for a slash, we got back underway.

Mphatlatlatsane broke the deadlock midway through the second half. The ball had been pinging around the Likhopo box when it struck a defender’s hand. I didn’t think there was much that he could have done about it, but who am I to question a FIFA ref?

The dust upon which the penalty spot had been marked must have blown away and the ref was forced to pace out the distance from the goal-line before placing the ball for the spot kick. It was just like the way we used to do it as kids, although without the farce of the attacker initially trying to measure the distance with tiny ballet dancer steps only to have to contend with the keeper attempting to make his stab at measuring twelve steps stretch halfway to the shops.

Likhopo goalmouth.

Likhopo goalmouth.

The Mphatlatlatsane penalty taker wasn’t fazed by the lack of a spot and blammed the ball home to the keepers left. The prospect of a fourth defeat on the trot was just what Likhopo needed to spur them on though and they pressed forward with a lot more purpose.

As the game entered its final few minutes a lofted ball into the Mphatlatlatsane box was glanced home to the delight of the home crowd. Two minutes later the turnaround was completed when Likhopo got their second goal of the afternoon. A shot from the edge of the box was parried by the visiting keeper and a fella who had blazed wide from close range a few minutes earlier showed a little more composure this time to tuck the rebound away.

The Mphatlalatsane bench.

The Mphatlalatsane bench.

Likhopo held on for their first win of the season and we cleared off back to our hotel where both the army and the police kept popping in to take advantage of the buffet in the restaurant. Maybe their earlier spat had been over someone eating all the ribs.

The next day we crossed the border at Maseru and drove back up to Gauteng. Whilst I didn’t think Sani Pass was all it’s cracked up to be, Lesotho went far beyond my expectations, particularly the area to the east of Butha Buthe. Should anyone ever ask me which is the best place that we’ve been to so far, then I’d say Lesotho. I’d like to think that we’ll be back there before long.

 

 

Witbank Spurs v Cape Town All Stars, Sunday 31st August 2014, 3pm

September 28, 2014

0 - opening shot

I’d been meaning to get along to watch Witbank Spurs all of last season, but other stuff always seemed to crop up whenever they had a game. However, with the new National First Division season just a week old, a spare afternoon coincided with their opening home fixture.

Witbank normally play their games in Witbank. No surprise there really. This one though was another half an hour away along the N4 at the Themba Senemba stadium in Middelburg. I did wonder if the change of venue was a consequence of the service delivery protests that have been taking place in Witbank lately.

Apparently if the electricity goes off for a while, the appropriate response from the residents is to burn the local library down. That’ll show ‘em. If that doesn’t have the required impact you then escalate matters by setting fire to a few of your neighbours as well. Maybe they should march on the local power station when the library doesn’t have the latest Jeffrey Archer in.

Main Stand.

Main Stand.

The sat nav got me to the ground about ten minutes before kick-off. It looked to be a fairly poor area around the stadium, but I’ve been to worse. On the plus side, I didn’t get a call from the security manager at work asking what the hell I was doing there. His lack of interest boded well.

It was fifteen rand admission and that entitled me to take my car inside too and park it by the edge of the pitch. Very handy, as it meant I could keep an eye on it during the game. It’s a pity that they don’t have that option at Anfield to save me from having to pay protection money to eight year old scouse kids.

Mine's the Corolla.

Mine’s the Corolla.

Although I could have watched the game from my car I made my way around to the stand on the opposite side of the pitch. There weren’t any seats but the steel structure was marginally more comfortable that the usual concrete floor.

There were around thirty people sat in the stand with another fifty or so dotted around the remaining sides of the pitch. I had a chat with a couple of locals who thought the organisation was a bit shambolic. It seemed pretty good to me, although I suppose I’m comparing it with the likes of Korea, where lower league games are often moved from one ground to another with no notification.

View from the Main Stand.

View from the Main Stand.

Witbank were playing in Argentina strips, whilst visitors Cape Town All-stars were in green. It had only been a month since I’d watched Cape Town gain promotion from the Second Division and their three-week close season seemed a little unfair on them.

The home side opened the scoring early on with a cracking goal from  right-winger Themba. The ball fell to him on the edge of the box and he volleyed it home via the underside of the bar.

Cape Town had a couple of chances to level before the break but a lack of composure in front of goal meant that they went in behind at half-time.

Cape Town on the attack.

Cape Town on the attack.

Witbank doubled their lead not long into the second half with another shot from distance, this time from  Ngobe, who celebrated with a double somersault. The half-arsed effort from the keeper to stop it earned him a few minutes of derision from the home crowd.

I’d noticed that the fourth official had a FIFA badge on his shirt and tracksuit. I bet not many FIFA refs in England spend their Sunday afternoons holding up the substitutions board at a game of a similar standard to Northern League.

Maradona makes his appearance.

Maradona makes his appearance.

Witbank seemed the bigger of the two sides, certainly at the back anyway, and with an even larger fella sat in front of the centre-halves they made life difficult for Cape Town. There were still cars coming into the ground as the game drew to a close with the home side secure in their two goal advantage.

So, that was it for the temporary Middelburg location and a stadium that I doubt I’d have got to if the Witbank residents hadn’t been so hasty with their petrol cans and lighters. Hopefully they will resist the urge to burn their local stadium to the ground and I’ll be able to see a game there at some point too.

 

 

Vaal Horse Racing, Saturday 30th August 2014

September 18, 2014

vaal races

I’ve been making a bit of progress in my quest to get around all of the South African racecourses. There’s only eleven, so it’s not too onerous a task, and at the weekend we ticked off number four, Vaal.

Vaal is a couple of hours away from our house in Bronkhorstspruit and it was the second time in a week that we’d headed down that way. The previous weekend had been spent on the Vaal River, driving a boat around. We’d slept on it too, dropping anchor in the middle of nowhere on the first night and then tying it to the jetty of a restaurant on the second evening.

Tying it to reeds wasn't too successful.

Tying it to reeds wasn’t too successful.

It was quite a relaxing way to spend a couple of days, especially as we didn’t fall overboard once in the whole weekend. We had otters swimming up to the boat and then a carp feeding at the surface on bread that I’d thrown in for the ducks. There were also a few deer of some sort popping down to the riverbank in the early morning for a drink.

I'd guess at a 'big-horned waterbok'.

I’d guess at a ‘big-horned waterbok’.

This weekend we stayed in a hotel, which was less interesting, but better for not drowning and handier for the track . I’d had the date marked on my ‘to-do‘ spreadsheet for a while, mainly because there only looks to be a couple of weekend race meetings at Vaal each year.

The Main Stand.

The Main Stand.

As with most of the South African racecourses, admission was free. There wasn’t much of a crowd, maybe fifty or so sat in the sunshine outside and perhaps a hundred in the four storey building by the finishing post.

In front of the Main Stand.

In front of the Main Stand.

We made our way up to the Members Lounge where we were able to secure a table complete with a telly for watching races from Turffontein and Sandown. I doubt we’d have got anywhere near the lounge on busier days but on this occasion it all worked out very well.

Inside the Members Lounge.

Inside the Members Lounge.

We’d timed things nicely for the food too, with a three course meal on offer for seven quid. The starters were nothing special but there was an outside braai that served beef, pork and lamb followed by old school sponge pudding and custard. I was happy enough with that.

Outside for the food.

Outside for the food.

The racing was on the sand track, which I tend to associate with lower grade horses. Most of the ones that we backed certainly seemed lower grade, or at least lower than the other horses in their races. We had a couple of winners to offset the donkeys though and didn’t finish too far down on the day.

Overall it was another good afternoon out, particularly as we were able to take advantage of the Members facilities without any questions being asked. Maybe we’ll try the owners and trainers area next time.

 

Polo, Sunday 17th August 2014

September 16, 2014

Prince of wales polo cup 1

I’d never been to a polo match before. The nearest that I’ve got is watching Pretty Woman on the telly and I suppose that all I learned from seeing that film was that if you take a hooker with you, then you shouldn’t tell any of your mates.

Prince Charles used to play, as did his sons. They probably still do. I think the ex-drummer from The Who that wasn’t Keith Moon has the odd game. Really though, that’s about the full extent of my knowledge.

Still, I’m keen to see new stuff and so Jen and I had a drive along to the Waterfall Polo Club in Johannesburg to see the final day’s play in the Prince of Wales Cup.

The poshest bit.

The poshest bit.

There was a posh part with concierge service for around a hundred quid a head and a peasant’s section at a tenner a car. Racecourses used to have ‘car admission‘, usually to the centre of the course, maybe they still do. I remember taking my kids to the Grand National about twenty years ago and parking in the centre of the course. I’m fairly sure you can’t do that these days.

Anyway, as there was no way I was going to pay a couple of hundred quid to get in, we went in the cheap bit. There were two matches scheduled. I think that we started off with a third/fourth place play-off and then finished up with the final but I’m not certain.

Third and Fourth place play-off. Maybe.

Third and Fourth place play-off. Maybe.

As far as the rules go, it’s four blokes on each side with the pitch about twice the size of  that used for football. For those of you familiar with the term, they have fly goalie. Or is it rush goalie? It’s a while since I was a kid, but my recollection is that ‘fly‘ meant that your keeper could advance upfield whilst the other goalie had to stay between the sticks. This was usually implemented when one team was a man short.

‘Rush‘ goalie, on the other hand, generally came about when nobody fancied being in goal and the nearest player to the goal line would be allowed to use his hands.

I suppose that what we had at the polo didn’t actually fall into either category as it was ‘no goalie‘. I don’t remember ever playing that variation as a kid. Although if we’d had horses perhaps it would have all been different.

Play lasts for four seven minute ‘chukkas‘ and you are allowed a fresh horse as often as you like. That’s about it really. Occasionally a team got a free-kick, or free-hit I suppose, but I’ve no idea what the offences were.

What it's really all about.

What it’s really all about.

Most of the crowd seemed to have brought elaborate picnics. Fair enough, I suppose, but not necessary as there were a few top quality food stalls. I turned down a paella for a selection of cakes in a box.

I think they've all been before.

I think they’ve all been before.

As to the scores, well I’ve no idea. There was a lad operating the scoreboard but he seemed distracted by his other duties of signalling goals and retrieving the ball and didn’t seem to pay much attention as to which end the goals went into.

A horse would have been better than a ladder.

A horse would have been better than a ladder.

We cleared off half-way through the second game as we’d eaten all of the cakes and there’s a limit to how long I’m prepared to watch horses galloping around if I haven’t had a bet on one of them. I’m sure polo is enjoyable to play, possibly more so for the humans than the horses, but when the best part of the day is the picnic, you might as well move on once you’ve eaten.

 

South Africa v Argentina, Saturday 16th August 2014, 5pm

August 28, 2014

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This weekend saw the start of the Southern hemisphere version of the Six Nations Rugby Championship. It’s just four nations taking part down here though, New Zealand, Australia, South Africa and Argentina. It seems a bit harsh on the likes of Fiji and Western Samoa, but I don’t imagine they bring much to the table by way of telly money.

I like the inclusiveness of the northern hemisphere Six Nations tournament, particularly the insistence that, despite being crap at rugby, Scotland and Italy can continue to participate so that the fans of the proper teams can enjoy a weekend in Edinburgh or Rome.

The 2014 competition kicked off with a draw between New Zealand and Australia which I watched on the telly whilst Jen and I had lunch somewhere. The other fixture of the weekend saw South Africa host Argentina at the Loftus Versfeld stadium in Pretoria and so we popped along to watch that one live.

We’ve been to the rugby at Loftus Versfeld before and so I now know how it works. There’s a small bar inside the ground, but you can‘t take your drinks away from it. Far better to drink on the field outside and then head in just before kick-off.

Outside drinking.

Outside drinking.

I’d bought tickets for the stand nearest to the outside bar and shortly before kick-off we went in through gate eight to our seats in Row A of the upper tier. They were fine but our view was slightly obscured by a safety railing and so next time I’ll probably go for Row B.

The Argentinian national anthem was largely ignored by the crowd, most of whom continued to chat away indifferently. The South African tune was better received with quite a few of the home fans joining in. I’ve listened to a lot of different anthems lately and have concluded that most of them are absolute bollocks. Why do we bother with them?

If we are going to keep on with the nationalistic nonsense then lets at least update it a bit. I’d quite like to hear The Jam’s ‘Liza Radley’ sung before England matches. Weller seems a pretty good example of Englishness to me, can you imagine a packed Twickenham and a line of twenty-three burly players bellowing out the rising crescendo of the last couple of lines?

“She’d kiss my face and say love means nothing at all,

She’d kiss my face and say life means nothing at all”

Maybe just me then.

The rain started as the anthems finished and unfortunately our front row seats in the upper tier were beyond the shelter of the roof. Luckily the game was nowhere near sold out and so we just moved upwards until we were under cover. As the rain got heavier and the wind blew it inwards we kept moving further back. Eventually we were perfectly placed to the extent that any further back and we’d have felt the rain from behind.

The view from in the dry.

The view from in the dry.

My mind wandered back to an Scotland v England clash at Murrayfield that my friend Paul and I had been to a few years ago. We’d hiked up Arthur’s Seat on the morning before the game and had been caught in similar torrential rain. As we were only in Edinburgh for the day we had no spare clothes and had to pop into Jenners for a complete new set each.

Our seats at the ground that day were exposed to the elements and once the rain returned we decided to skip the remainder of the game and clear off to watch it in the pub instead. No way could we have turned up soaking wet for a second time at Jenners.

I'm not sure if I've ever been wetter.

Arthur’s Seat – Possibly the wettest I’ve ever been. Except for in the bath.

My mind also wandered to the feral kittens that live beneath our decking. I wasn’t sure if they’d ever been rained on before. If they had, it won’t as been anything like as heavy as this rain.

I’ve taken to feeding them tins of pilchards, which strikes me as somewhat indulgent when you consider that at twenty rand a tin, pilchards wouldn’t be something that a lot of the locals could afford to buy to eat themselves.

To tell the truth, I’d feel awkward giving tinned pilchards to random locals and have even less desire to watch some African fella eating them on the patio. I enjoy it when the cats turn up for their tea though.

There's four altogether, plus the parents.

There’s four altogether, plus the parents.

Anyway, the game. The heavy rain made ball handling difficult and standing up even harder. South Africa opened the scoring with a first minute try and then the sides traded a couple of penalties each in a 13-6 home win.

View from the back of the stand.

View from the back of the stand.

We stayed until the end in the hope that the rain would stop and thankfully by the time we left it was down to the odd spot of drizzle in the air.

 

 

Boxing at Emperors Palace, Saturday 9th August 2014

August 26, 2014

opening shot

This was far more of an arse on than it should have been. The date had been mentioned a few months earlier by the promoter and so I tried to be clever and book a hotel room well in advance. Unfortunately the boxing clashed with a flower-arranging convention or something that was popular enough to sell out half the hotels and double the prices in the rest.

I eventually got fixed up by trying far more accommodation websites than I suspect would be regarded as normal and then by some crafty manipulation of the ticking system managed to obtain two central ringside seats. All good. So what was the problem? Well, one of the scheduled boxers suffered an unexpected defeat in a warm up fight whilst another was rumoured to be somewhat reluctant to take a drugs test. This resulted in the bill being called off and our tickets being refunded. I cancelled the room.

Three days later and the promoter announces a new boxing bill. At the same venue. On the same night. Oh great. So I have go through it all again and secure what was possibly the same hotel room and then another pair of front row tickets.

Emperors Palace is a strange place. Primarily a casino, but with hotels, restaurants and a few shops adding to the options. I’m not too impressed with it as a gambling venue as despite the roulette wheels, black jack and poker tables, it’s much more penny arcade than James Bond. Mind you, that’s exactly what I thought of Las Vegas too.

You'll have to imagine the noise.

You’ll have to imagine the noise.

Like many casinos, they aren’t keen on natural light. Emperors Palace addresses the issue by having a fake sky for a ceiling and then remaining in a permanent state of dusk. As someone who falls asleep far too readily these days I reckon it works pretty well. In fact, I’d install it in houses. There have been times at Emperors Palace where we’ve been eating and drinking into the early hours and it’s felt as if it were no later than teatime.

It's indoors, yet outdoors.

It’s indoors, yet outdoors.

Our seats turned out to be the best we could have bought. We were centrally placed meaning that we didn’t have a cornerpost cameraman blocking the view and we were in Row A. The only downside was that we were behind a section of six rows of complimentary seating occupied by people who spent the whole evening wandering around their section hugging all of the other ‘faces’.

I’d have liked to have been able to wander around and change seats too, that way we wouldn’t have had to put up with the prick sat behind us who amused himself by shouting non-stop ‘advice’ to the boxers or ‘compliments’ to the ring girls. The tedium of hearing the same comments yelled round after round meant that I ended up hoping that every boxer he was supporting got sparked out cold at the earliest opportunity.

The first bout involved a featherweight called Ramagole who had lost the last time we were here. I got the impression that his defeat wasn’t something that the promoter had intended and this time he was given an easier opponent. By the time it reached the third round the other fella had lost interest in being bopped on the nose and so turned his back and quit.

It didn't last much longer.

It didn’t last much longer.

Next up was a lightweight fight between Ashley Dlamini and Thanduxolo Dyani. Dyani had made a promising start to his career by winning his first eleven fights but had then lost his last three. Make that four defeats in a row as Dlamini put him on his arse in the first round causing the ref to wave it off.

This one was over even quicker.

This one was over even quicker.

We then had a contest over eight rounds featuring local cruiserweight Kevin Lerena. You might not recognise the name from Boxing News, but if you’ve been following the Pistorious trial he’s the fella that Oscar accidentally shot in the foot whilst fiddling with a pistol under the table in a restaurant. Marcos Antonii Ahumada caused him fewer problems than the Olympic sprinter had done and Lerena took a one sided decision.

Lerena is the Pirates fan.

Lerena is in the Pirates shorts.

In the fourth fight of the evening the reigning IBO super-bantamweight champion Thabo Sonjica had failed to make the weight. Actually, not only did he fail to make the super-bantamweight limit, he didn’t even manage to make featherweight either, weighing in five pounds heavier than he needed to be.

He forfeited his title, but the fight went ahead anyway and not surprisingly his additional bulk made all the difference against a smaller opponent who, when he wasn’t being smacked in the chops, spent too much time grinning at the people behind us shouting advice.

The added advantage of a ref who appeared to favour the home fighter meant an easy points win for Sonjica who no doubt made straight for a restaurant to scoff a few more pies.

Big fella on the ropes.

Big fella on the ropes.

The main event saw the WBC light-heavyweight silver champion Ryno Liebenburg take on Denis Grachev, a Russian who modelled himself on Ivan Drago, even to the extent of having ‘Drago’s Son’ on his shorts.

At a pre-fight press conference, Ryno, who somewhat oddly chose to ignore the obvious nickname and opt for ‘The Lion’ instead, threatened to knock the Russian’s teeth out. Staying in character, son of Drago limited himself to a curt “You talk too much”.

Liebenburg sustained a nasty cut in the first round, but evened things up soon after. Again, I thought the ref favoured the home fighter. The judges didn’t seem any better and with it being a WBC title fight their scores were revealed after four and eight rounds. Or rather they were announced half-way through the fifth and ninth rounds. How distracting must that be for the boxers? Surely it isn’t beyond the officials to tot up the scores within the minute break between rounds?

Ryno 'the lion'.

I had the fight a lot closer than the 116-112, 117-112 and the laughable 120-108 scores, but the crowd went home happy, whilst the promoter‘s plans for Liebenberg remained on track. And despite it being close to midnight, we were able to head back out into the dusk.

 

The Platinum Cup, Sunday 3rd August 2014

August 14, 2014

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This should have been an entirely different story altogether as the intention for the weekend had been for Jen and I to go to Mozambique and take in their national team’s African Cup of Nations Qualifier against Tanzania. It was all going to plan until we reached the airport check-in desk and were informed that American nationals now need a visa issued in advance rather than obtaining one on arrival.

I’ve seen enough airport programmes on the telly to know that arguing never works and my attempts at charming the check-in staff weren’t anywhere near good enough to circumvent the new rules. Fortunately we were able to re-book the flights for a month later and so the only real loss was the cost of the Maputo hotel.

So, what to do? Well, we’d recently acquired a Land Rover from a bloke at work and so I thought we might as well head over to Pilanesburg National Park and take advantage of its 4×4 capabilities to see what we could spot in the way of wildlife.

Despite hotels in Pilanesburg being even more expensive than the one we were missing out on in Maputo, they tend to fill up early. That meant that we ended up staying about an hours drive away on a small game farm. It worked out fine though, as I got the opportunity to go into a cage with a couple of caracals. You might know them better as lynx, those cats with the big ears. Big teeth and big claws too.

The owner let me feed one of the caracals with a chicken and encouraged me to tease him a bit. That’s pretty much my default position with cats anyway and so I made him work a bit before I released my grip on his dinner.

I stopped teasing him at this point.

I stopped teasing him at this point.

The next day we spent a few hours driving around Pilanesburg. We didn’t encounter any bigger cats, but we did see some rhinos and a few elephants. There are rules about not feeding them chickens though.

Zebras in the background too.

Zebras in the background too.

On the way back home we passed through Rustenburg and as we reached the Olympia Stadium I noticed a couple of games taking place next to each other on the pitches nearby. As you might have expected I pulled off the road and went and had a look.

Blues v Yellows.

Blues v Yellows.

The pitches weren’t in the best of condition, with the goalmouths in particular being more solid earth than grass, but there were a couple of hundred people watching. That size of crowd seems de rigueur for lower league football, no matter where in the world it takes place but in this case it was a more than decent turnout for games that were taking place on pitches that most English Sunday League teams would refuse to play on.

Red v Green.

Red v Green.

There are certain circumstances in South Africa where an Englishman wandering around taking photos attracts a fair bit of attention. This was one of those times. I tend to try to keep a low profile when I’m out and about but everyone wanted to know what I was up to.

It turns out that I’d wandered into a tournament that had been running for a few weeks and was now at the last sixteen stage. Whilst it seems plausible to me that someone could just like watching football, the people who I spoke to all seemed convinced that I was there to assess the suitability of their competition for sponsorship.

Fans down the side.

Fans down the side.

I was quickly introduced to someone’s boss and then to the bosses boss. They were all keen to assure me that they could produce presentations and plans detailing all the equipment and funding that they would need.

Rustenburg is a poor area. It’s predominantly a mining community that has recently been through a five month strike and I was told that whilst some of the players were miners, most were unemployed.

Whilst I’d have loved to have helped, I’m just a bloke who watches a bit of football now and again, not some corporation with a charity budget to dispense. I made my excuses and we headed off further down the road.