Crook Town v Ryhope Colliery Welfare, Wednesday 20th April 2022, 7.30pm

May 5, 2022

It’s the time of the year for cup finals with this one being for the Durham County FA Frank Pattison Challenge Cup. It was at the Hetton Centre which is also known as Eppleton Colliery Welfare. It’s a ground used by Sunderland’s U23 and Women’s teams. Cars were already turning around due to lack of space when I arrived, but I got lucky as someone who must have been there for something other than the football vacated his prime parking spot and saved me having to drive back out again.

With a few minutes to kick-off there was a queue to get into the ground. I paid my fiver and was given a free programme.

I passed the trophy on the way in and took a seat in the main stand. There were a few rows of seats with a standing section behind. The Crook  fans seemed to have taken over that area and sang throughout the game including a few renditions of the ‘Nicky Bailey’ song.

Most of the crowd, which eventually reached 620, were stood around the perimeter pitch fence with others getting a better view from on top of embankments and mud piles. Crook were in amber and black with Ryhope in red and white.

Crook took the lead on eighteen minutes with a volley from the edge of the box, but didn’t hold the advantage for long with Ryhope equalising on the half hour when the ball was hooked home after a corner.

At half time I went for some food but the slow-moving queue of people waiting for chips meant that I bailed out and watched the second half from behind that goal until the length of the queue had sufficiently dropped for me to nip in for a pie.

Ryhope probably had the best chances in the second half but neither side did enough to win it and with the score level at full-time we went straight to pens. I’d anticipated the end that would be used and so was already in a prime spot when the whistle went. I was joined by a few others, most of whom were supporting Crook.

I had a brief chat with a young kid next to me. He told me that he supported Newcastle, as well as Crook and marvelled at the turnaround under Eddie Howe. He then turned his attention to the Ryhope goalie and before each kick informed him that he was a ‘paedo’. Charming. I doubt the lad was any older than twelve.

The Ryhope keeper had the last laugh though, saving a couple of the penalties to clinch the cup. A fella on the other side of me, sensing defeat, had declared that he was going onto the pitch anyway. He did so, raising a flare to the heavens and dropping his trousers to his thighs in what I took to be a gesture of dissatisfaction with the result.

I made my way back to the main stand for the presentation. By this time most of the Crook fans had left the standing area and so I was able to get an elevated view of Ryhope lifting the cup.

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Gateshead Rutherford v Killingworth, Monday 18th April 2022, 6.30pm

May 4, 2022

I suppose the only good thing about the Boro’s game against Huddersfield was that it was a lunchtime kick-off and that meant that I could head to a second Bank Holiday Monday fixture.

I had a couple of options, both in the Northern Alliance, and picked the nearest one which was at Gateshead Rutherford’s Farnacres ground. Rutherford were taking on league leaders Killingworth in the eleventh tier Premier Division.

Farnacres is just off the A1, before the Metro Centre. It’s up a country lane with parking outside of a fence where if you chose, you could watch the game from your car. It was a pleasant evening though and so I headed inside. I don’t think that there was anyone taking money, at least there wasn’t at the gate I used. Hopefully I hadn’t cheated them out of a couple of quid.

Rutherford were in a red and black kit with Killingworth in grey. A win for the visitors would be enough to clinch the title and of the eighty or so spectators who were lined up at the top of the embankment I’d estimate that around half were supporting the champions elect.

In addition to the people watching there were also a few dogs in attendance. I was stood near to an elderly beagle who had that faded appearance that comes with age. At half time when I went into the clubhouse for a chip butty, his eyes didn’t leave me until the empty polystyrene tray had been deposited in the bin.

There were also a few greyhounds, a couple of shih tzus, a spaniel and two French bulldogs. In fact, I missed the final goal of the evening as I was scratching one of the bulldogs on the head.

Rutherford had nothing to play for in this end of season game. Perhaps that explained why they only had the one sub available compared to Killingworth’s full bench. I was pleased to see the lad get on, even if only for the last ten minutes. It would have been soul-destroying to have been the only option for a change and still not receive the nod.

For a team with nothing at stake, Rutherford certainly put the effort in. They took an early lead and when pegged back in the second half soon got back in front. They conceded a second equaliser before nicking the winner with fifteen minutes to go. By that time, it was getting dark and I doubt that anyone was hoping for much added time. The defeat for Killingworth meant that their title celebrations would have to wait another week.

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Middlesbrough v Huddersfield Town, Monday 18th April 2022, 12.30pm

May 3, 2022

I’d got back home from Bournemouth after midnight on the Friday night and with plans to take in a non-league game on the Saturday. The fixture I’d selected at Murton didn’t take place for some reason though and I had to head back down the A19. The rest of that day was filled with Stockton Calling, a music festival spread over eleven venues and with eight bands. I saw thirteen of the bands in eight different locations. All of them were good, although with some of them I only caught three or four songs as I nipped in somewhere midway through a set.

Most bands played for thirty minutes which is pretty much perfect for a festival and despite it not selling out for the first time in ages, there was a great atmosphere from people glad to be out and about again seeing gigs.

Sunday was a music day too as I headed up to see Paul Weller at Newcastle City Hall.  Whilst I’ve seen him many times over the years my mind went back to being at the same venue for a Jam gig forty years ago to the month. On that occasion I’d watched the Boro win at Roker Park in the afternoon and then took a train into Newcastle to round off one of the best days that I’d ever had at that time.

Forty years on from 1982, Weller still put on an excellent show. I think that Fat Pop is his best album for years and, as with the bands the previous day, he really seemed to be enjoying himself too. I doubt I’ll be seeing him forty years from now but hopefully there will be further opportunities. It’s certainly much more likely that I’ll see him than the Boro playing Sunderland.

Back to the Huddersfield game. Harry and I cut it fine again as I hadn’t realised that I’d have to pay to park on a Bank Holiday. The machines don’t take money any more and so I had to download an App and pay remotely. Pain in the arse, but we arrived as the teams were lining up.

It was another poor performance to follow on from the home defeats to Fulham and Hull. A late McGree effort that hit the bar was as close as we came to scoring. The optimism from earlier in the season has just about evaporated and it’s difficult to see where the next win will come from, never mind the four from four that will likely be needed for a play-off spot.

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Bournemouth v Middlesbrough, Friday 15th April 2022, 3pm

May 2, 2022

At the start of this season, I still had four Championship grounds to tick off. Everything had gone to plan so far and prior to this game Bournemouth’s Vitality Stadium was the only one remaining. I didn’t really fancy heading there and back in a day trip, particularly with Bank Holiday traffic and so I went down to London a couple of days in advance and then got a train from Waterloo on the morning of the game.

As there is always stuff to do in London I’d gone along to a Sea Power gig at the Roundhouse the night before. They were as good as they always are and back up to full strength with Phil being available due to it being a school holiday and Abi having found someone to look after the sheep.

The train journey took just under two hours and passed through Southampton and Brockenhurst, both places that I’m familiar with from working down there thirteen or fourteen years ago. I passed sections of the New Forest that I’d walked in, pubs that I’d drank in and the seven a side pitches that I played on after work.

There were plenty of Boro fans on the train, but on leaving from the station most of them headed into town whilst I followed the signs for Boscombe Beach.

I walked for a few hundred yards parallel to the sea and then went for a stroll along the pier. Strolling seems compulsory on a pier. There was a bloke fishing off the end but I couldn’t see if he had managed to catch anything. There were a few holes of crazy golf with a sign warning that lost balls would be charged at a quid-fifty a go. It’s hard to imagine anyone playing a round without hitting a ball off the edge into the water.

After some lunch and a pint overlooking the sea, I headed for the ground. It took around half an hour. There was a drinking area outside but for home supporters only. That seemed a bit inhospitable, do they think that we are incapable of having a drink without being an arse?

With nothing worth hanging around outside for I headed in and after being extremely thoroughly searched I was able to watch the back end of the Luton – Forest game in the concourse.

For some reason I’d assumed the Vitality Stadium was a new ground, but it seems that it’s just a new name. Dean Court was rebuilt apparently twenty years or so ago with a ninety degree rotation but I think some of the stand to my left had been kept. It looked that way anyway, surely nobody would build a stand in the twenty-first century that still had columns obscuring the view.

It was good to see Jones back on the pitch, but he seemed off the pace and with a much less sure touch than normal. Perhaps his illness was still affecting him. Bamba had a good game again filling in for Fry. He didn’t ever move quickly but rarely had to as his positioning was spot on and that invariably gave him the time to do whatever was needed. Daniels returned in goal and put in a solid performance, but we never looked like scoring.

Still, an away point at a promotion contender is a decent result and with all the Championship grounds now ticked off it made for a decent day out.

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MCC v Wales, Thursday 14th April 2022, 10.30am

April 28, 2022

I was down in London for a Sea Power gig at the Roundhouse in Camden and with the day free, I checked to see if there was any County Championship cricket going on at Lords. There wasn’t, but there was a one-dayer between the MCC and Wales. It was only a fiver to get in, so I booked myself a ticket online.

It’s not far from Camden to Lords and my initial plan was to walk along the canal. I noticed that there were some boats going between Camden Lock and Little Venice and so I travelled on one of those instead. It was a pleasant journey with an informative commentary. I learned that Paul Weller has a house alongside the canal and has been seen feeding the ducks. The route skirted along the back of London Zoo and I spotted an African Wild Dog walking along in its enclosure.

Little Venice is actually a bit too far along the canal, so I had to retrace my journey to reach the Grace Gates. I got there at about 12.30, which was two hours after the scheduled start. That’s not really a problem when play is likely to go on until six or so, unless a team gets skittled in the opening hour.

I needn’t have worried as MCC were just past the mid-way point of their innings and had scored 126 for 6.

There weren’t many people in the stands, maybe two hundred in total. Perfect. I’m generally happy to trade ‘atmosphere’ for having fewer people around me.

I took a seat in the Grand Stand, with the pavilion to my right. These were the only two areas open and as I wasn’t with a member or wearing a jacket and tie, my choice was limited to where I was.

The standard didn’t look that high, but maybe it was deceptive. Wales had an incredibly slow bowler who was sending them down at a pace that you might do if indulging a small child. It worked though and he was able to keep the runs down to around three an over. It’s as well that nobody was able to tonk him, as the boundary on my side was incredibly close. There was barely a gap between the rope and the discs denoting the fielding restriction circle.

MCC managed to eke their innings out until the fiftieth and final over, scoring 226 all out. That was my cue to head for the Lords Tavern for a burger and a couple of pints. I doubt I’d have got near the place during a Test match.

Wales struggled to match the MMC score and were all out with a few overs remaining and around eighty runs short. I’m pleased that they all got to bat so that they could enjoy the full Lords experience of walking through the Long Room and down the pavilion steps.

I headed back to Camden along the canal keeping an eye out for African Wild Dogs and the Modfather feeding the ducks.

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Middlesbrough v Hull City, Saturday 9th April 2022, 3pm

April 11, 2022

When Harry and I got the half-season cards I bought an additional seat thinking that he might want to bring a mate along every now and then. It was only twenty odd quid for the eleven games so if it got used twice it would pay for itself. Plus it has proved useful for cup game tickets.

My niece’s son, Alistair, is into football and whilst he’s often busy at a weekend he was available for the home game with Hull and so he tagged along.

Alistair is seven, although he informed me that it is only “fifty-six sleeps” until he is eight. He is a polite and friendly kid and a contender for the under-eight’s Parkour Champion of the World. He seemed incapable of just walking anywhere in a straight line. If there was a tree to climb, he was up it. Pillars and posts taller than him were summitted. He walked along railings and dodged in and out of bushes. He even slid down the handrails in the ground at the steps up to our seat. He’ll be leaping from one skyscraper to another before he’s ten.

He was fascinated with the group of Army cadets in the North Stand and adamant that every time a Boro player went down it should have been a red card for the opposition offender. He was also amazed by how far the keepers strayed from their goal lines when play was at the other end. I suspect that it’s always ‘stick-goalie’ when he has a kickaround with his mates. Besides, the further you move from the goal the harder it is to shin up the posts and swing from the cross-bar.

Harry and I had been confident of a win before kick-off, but it didn’t work out that way and it seemed a flat performance from early on. Tav did well filling in at wing-back but we missed his drive in midfield and with Isaiah Jones absent again we had nobody to perform that bit of magic needed to bail us out.

Joe Lumley should have kept their winner out and rightly got some stick from Chris Wilder. I’m starting to think that maybe it’s time for Sol Brynn to get his chance. In the two U23 games that I’ve seen him play in this season he looked confident and commanding. I don’t think we have much to lose by giving him a go.

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Wallington v Alnwick Town, Friday 8th April 2022, 7pm

April 10, 2022

I’d been intending to take in a game at Whitley Park for a while as it’s the home of the Newcastle U23 side and their fixtures keep appearing on my futbology app. I’d spotted this game on Twitter though as a consequence of following any number of obscure sources and with a free evening I headed north to watch the final of the Northumberland FA Football Safety Officers Association Benevolent Bowl.

Whitley Park isn’t far beyond the Tyne Tunnel. It’s a route that I’m a lot happier using now that I’ve discovered that you can pre-pay for up to ten tickets in advance. Having to get home and remember to pay online had been pissing me off, but now I can just drive through without any thought other than a mental calculation of how many of my ten trips I’ve used.

What I invariably do wonder though, is what it would be like if water started gushing in? I’m sure it will have been covered in some disaster movie and each time I travel through the tunnel I imagine having to out-pace a wave of water gushing in from behind. It’s not a scary prospect like, for example, those recurring dreams I have where I fall out of a cargo plane with an open ramp at the back, more of a curiosity as to whether I’d be able to make the end of the tunnel. Probably not and, I suppose, one reason why pre-paying too far ahead may not be prudent.

It was three quid in with team sheets available and a digital programme that I downloaded with one of those Q-Codes. Wallington were taking on Alnwick Town, both teams being in the top division of the Northern Alliance, so that’s tier eleven of the pyramid.

I’d not heard much about Wallington, but Alnwick Town were in the Northern League until around four years ago and as their ground dates back to the arse end of the nineteen century I’ve long had plans to head up there for a game. Wallington were in green and black with Alnwick in black and white

There was a full clubhouse with a bar and with a buffet laid out on some tables at one end. I presumed that it was intended for committee members or safety officers as it certainly wouldn’t have been enough to have fed a crowd of over three hundred. I settled for a cheeseburger from the tea hut and then took a seat in one of the two covered stands that ran along one side of the well-maintained pitch.

A dozen or so Alnwick fans had taken over the terrace behind the goal to my left. They chanted about the Wallington support being “fuckin’ shite” and pondered loudly whether Whitley Park might be the kind of establishment where books could be borrowed. One threw a used air horn on to the net defended by the Wallington goalie. It all seemed a little too earnest for this level.

I recognised the ref. Mainly because he had officiated at a game I’d attended last week and because he has such a startling likeness to one of my former brothers-in-law that for a while I’d thought it was him.

It was only when I realised that Mick is a good thirty years older than the ref that I concluded that it wasn’t him. That and the different names. I find I often see people out and about that I think I know only to realise that the person I’ve noticed looks like someone did long ago. If I were to chance upon the person that I thought I’d spotted the reality is that by now they will be bald or grey and wear Sketchers to accommodate their bunions.

Alnwick had a elderly striker who was getting for that stage in life and he spent the game berating the ref and getting into scraps with the opposing defence. It seemed that he thrived by having a strop on with the world and everything in it. A bit like my Mam when I take her shopping. The odds on the angry bloke’s side taking the trophy dropped when they opened the scoring with a quarter of an hour to go but Wallington equalised within a couple of minutes and then deservedly clinched the Bowl with a second goal towards the end.

I stayed for the presentation and obligatory jumping up and down, then headed back through the tunnel, putting my foot down in case of leaks.

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Middlesbrough v Fulham, Wednesday 6th April 2022, 7.45pm

April 8, 2022

It seems a while since Harry and I had sat in our regular seats. I checked and it’s over a month although we’ve seen the Boro away and from the West Stand in that time. It was a dash to get there as he had rugby training in Stockton that didn’t finish until after seven. I only caught the back end of the session and saw them play a couple of games of bulldog. I suppose it’s probably good practice for rugby as long as you bring the runners down with a tackle to the legs rather than a straight arm clothesline to the throat. I saw a bit of both.

As usual we parked up near the old Gazette office which meant a twenty-minute walk. It worked out fine, with us entering the East Stand with three minutes to spare and reaching our seats as Pigbag piped up. With no time for food or drink, I had to wait until half-time to get a molten lava pie. There were a lot of empty seats and clearly fewer people there than the near twenty-two thousand attendance that was announced, although with it being mid-week and also on the telly I could understand why people might not want to travel or cough up thirty odd quid.

The team news was disappointing, with Isaiah Jones missing due to illness. He makes such a difference to the team that my hopes for a win immediately changed to being happy with a point. It brought home how influential he has been in our run of good form under Chris Wilder. Lee Peltier is a decent full back, but his strengths are defensive rather than causing teams problems at the other end.

First half was cagey, and I thought that we gave them a little too much respect at times, but you could see why they have run away with the league. In the second half we picked up the tempo and looked the side most likely to score. We didn’t though, missing some decent chances and then failing to pick up Mitrovic at a free kick. His thirty-eighth goal in thirty-seven Championship games this season was enough to take the points for Fulham. Hopefully we’ll have a chance for revenge next season in the division up.

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West Allotment Celtic v Crook Town, Tuesday 5th April 2022, 7.30pm

April 7, 2022

The Northern League finishes this month and there are plenty of midweek fixtures as clubs deal with games lost to the weather and covid. This one was at East Palmersville Sports Pavilion, just a bit north of the Tyne Tunnel. West Allotment Celtic moved there this season after a nomadic few years and I suppose their recent arrival explains why I couldn’t see any allotments anywhere around the ground.

It was six quid in, with another two for the programme and a further quid for the raffle. No luck again, although as I rarely drink rose wine, it wasn’t a big disappointment.

There were slim pickings at the tea hut, with a choice between a hot dog and a cheeseburger. As the cheeseburgers were still being cooked, I went for the hot dog. I’m not really convinced that they should count as food, but I hadn’t had my tea and thought I should have something.

I took a seat in one of the covered stands where I was soon joined by an old bloke who supported the visitors, Crook Town. He was adamant that Crook would win and kept telling me that they were the better side.

On discovering that I was from Stockton he advised me that the market day was a Wednesday, but there was little point in going as it had declined a lot in recent years. Whilst I knew Stockton’s market day, I’ve no idea of market days in any other town. That sort of knowledge struck me as a bit of a superpower and was certainly more impressive than his assessment of the state of play on the pitch.

There were few chances and no score in the first half. West took the lead midway through the second with a cracking strike from the edge of the box. I missed the Crook equaliser from a penalty in the dying moments as with ten minutes to go I’d nipped out to the clubhouse for a slash and with the rain coming down decided to head for the car rather than return to my seat.

The draw kept both sides in a lower mid-table position as they see out the season.

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Birtley Town v Durham City, Saturday 2nd April 2022, 3pm

April 5, 2022

I had some college stuff to do this weekend, but it had been changed late on from an in-person workshop to all being done remotely. That meant that when my involvement was finished by early afternoon, I could look for a local game rather than the ones that I had been considering somewhere near Chelmsford.

The fixture I selected, on the basis of it being less than forty minutes’ drive away, was in the second Division of the Northern League. Birtley Town were taking on Durham City at Birtley Sports Complex.

Birtley were one of the founder members of the Northern League in 1889, but soon dropped out and then disappeared for a while. They were promoted from the Northern Alliance four years ago and have had a steady mid-table season this year.

Durham City have had a disastrous time of it lately, with just two draws all season and a goal difference approaching minus one hundred and fifty. Maybe today would be their first win.

I’d cut it a bit too fine and with the car park full I missed the opening few minutes. As I walked across the adjacent pitch, I saw Birtley take the lead. They were in green and white with Durham in black and red. Maybe another double figure defeat was on the cards for Durham. It was a fiver in with no programmes or team sheets. My strip of raffle tickets was about five away from winning whatever the prize was.

Once inside I took up a position on the rail and watched a collie playing with a burst football. Every now and again he would nip under the barrier with it between his teeth, as if to show the players what he might do if their ball came his way. There were other dogs in attendance including a chihuahua in a green scarf that had its own bed in the tea hut.

After a while I moved around to the small, covered stand on the far side. The potential goal rush didn’t materialise and Durham had their chances to equalise before Birtley doubled their lead just before half-time. There was a hint of offside about the goal and the Durham defence stopped and waited for the whistle. It didn’t come though, causing one of their management team to give the ref some serious abuse. He took it better than I would have and when a spectator suggested that he simply tell the gobshite to fuck off, he replied with a smile “Good idea, mate, but I can’t”.

At half-time I got some chips and gravy, attracting the attention of the collie who saw them as much more interesting than his burst football. Birtley added a third midway through the half before Durham managed a consolation from a penalty towards the end.

It was a competitive game, which suggests Durham are on the right tracks. It would be good to see them get a win before the season ends.

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